The reason that you’re unhappy is because you won’t give up dumb shit. You wont give up the things that don’t serve you and you won’t give up the things that cause you grief. One of the simplest examples of this that I can give you comes back to our health and fitness. People want to be fit and healthy, but they won’t give up the shit food to do it. You won’t give up the sugar filled processed food because it gives you instant gratification rather than the long-term results that you want, which is to be fit and healthy.
It never ceases to amaze me when I talk to people about their health and fitness and invariably a lot of people’s response is, “I should be able to drink wine” or “I should be able to eat cake” or “I should be able to eat whatever”. You should be able to do it because of what? Because that is you’re right to eat what you want, I don’t care if you drink alcohol everyday or if you eat a whole cake every day, that’s your choice, but just don’t whinge about the results if you’re not going to do the work! It is the refusal to give up the dumb shit that you know isn’t serving you that astounds me. Part of it is a physiological response because of the dopamine production that shit food and high sugar gives you because it makes you feel better short term but then longer term it obviously has devastating results on your health. You’re living short term, so you don’t care about the long-term result, you figure that somehow miraculously that will take care of itself. But it doesn’t.
Let’s look at other dumb shit that you won’t give up in your life. Let’s say you’re in a marriage or relationship that just doesn’t work for you, but you won’t give it up because you’re worried about being lonely or being alone. That is just a refusal to give up dumb shit. If you’re in a relationship that is not good for, especially if it is violent or emotionally manipulative, then why do you refuse to give up that dumb shit that doesn’t work for you?
If you’re in a job that you hate where you despise going to work every day, then what are you doing about changing that situation? Why won’t you give up that job? I am realistic that we all need to earn money and we all need to look after families so you probably don’t have the luxury of just going quitting but if you hate the job and it is depressing you then what are you doing to change that situation? Why aren’t you out gaining new skills and educating yourself so you can go and do something different?
And when it comes to your own self confidence and self-worth why aren’t you giving up the dumb shit like that negative voice in your head that tells you you’re no good and not worth anything. Why don’t you give that up and start working towards having a far greater and stronger self worth, value and confidence. There seems to be a real lack of willingness for people to give up stuff in their life that doesn’t serve them, to give up the dumb shit that just doesn’t work out for them. We know its no good for us, and we know it doesn’t serve us at all, but we still have this real desire to hang onto it.
It is something that I have always struggled to understand, I’ve done it myself, I am by no means an angel in that respect. I’ve held onto stuff that doesn’t work for me, but I have always found it difficult to understand why I do it? If we can’t understand why, it is going to be very difficult to change that situation and yet we ignore the stuff in our life that we know would make a massive difference and that just sounds crazy to me.
The reality of your life is if you don’t give up the dumb shit that holds you back and gives you a negative experience then how can you ever expect to change it and have a positive amazing life going forward? What you do, how you think, where you work, the people you surround yourself with, these things are a massive determinant factor in whether you’re going to be happy or not and whether you’re going to live a life you love or not. We hold onto these things that don’t make us happy so that we can avoid a potential negative experience of unhappiness or sadness in the future.
All these things we have talked about, your relationships, your health and fitness, what food you eat, the job you’re in, you understand this shit impacts you negatively and you understand the things that don’t make you happy, but why do you refuse to give them up? Why do you refuse to acknowledge what causes you the grief and problems in your life and give that shit up?
It is a question that only you can answer; I can’t answer it for you. If you’re not willing to really look at it, work it out and give it up, then you’re going to be consistently living that same life that you live now, that you’re not enjoying. You’re going to be living the life that inherently is shit and unfulfilling for the foreseeable future, so if you’re rolling out of bed every morning, looking in the mirror and thinking “I really don’t like who I am “in whatever aspect that is, physically, emotionally or with your confidence then ask yourself the question “what is the dumb shit I am holding onto in this part of my life that is keeping me stuck?” “what is the dumb shit that I am not willing to give up for some reason?” Sit down and write why it doesn’t work, why you’re unhappy, why it is a negative experience, then write down all the reasons why you’re holding onto it. As ridiculous as they might sound in your head, write them down, because then you can go through and strike a line through each one of them that is irrelevant or untrue and you will eventually get to the point of understanding the reason why you’re holding onto the dumb shit. Once you understand the reason then you can do something about changing the reason and changing the way you think about it, and therefore giving it up.
You are so caught up in what other people think that you will stay living in a house that is way beyond your means with a massive mortgage where you are under huge financial stress just so other people will think you are living an amazing life. You will stay in a relationship that is shit, that you really don’t like, but you will pretend you’re happy, you will live the # blessed Facebook life just so people think you’re happy. You will drive a car that costs you a fortune on finance that you can’t afford just so people think that you’re successful and living a great life. This obsession with what other people think does my freaking head in, it is the epitome of dumb shit.
I lived it for many many years myself and now I have come through the other side where I honestly don’t care what people think and the most important opinion of me is my own. It gives you an amazing foundation on which to build a life that makes you happy and has you fulfilled being the best version of you possible. Then you can be the best husband, the best father, friend, employee, business owner etc. etc.
Ask yourself, what is the dumb shit you won’t let go???